i'm scared. like really scared. seriously frightened. why you ask?
i'm sacred not just right now,but til the end of my life.
scared of what might be the answers to these questions
will i die in husnul khotimah? will i be worthy of heaven?
have i done enough deeds? how much are my sins?
are they forgived? are my worships accepted and enough?
these questions keep popping in my head
and i know i won't know the answers til judgement day O.o
it just scares me that the answers to the questions might be negative. huuu.
but at this particular moment, during this period of time before i meet my husband, before i'm married
i am PETRIFIED of my relationships with men
no i'm NOT in any relationship. heck i DON'T want to be in one
i meant relationships as in friends
i know a few guy friends and majority of them are nice
especially the 'barai's or the usrah guys
but i'm scared if one or two or any of them are so nice to me, i might fall
seeing and knowing good guys make my heart fluster. fuh.
and i hate that. i absolutely hate that.
i have been in relationships before and i regret them. all of them.
being in relationships made my heart weak
prone to adultery of the heart for liking or missing or loving a guy
prone to give in to my nafs's desire
prone to be deceived by satans' tricks and cons
when all i want to do is save all that for my husband
but i know i can do this. i know i can.
and i will fight the feelings til the very end.
i only know 2 ways that i practice to avoid from falling
1. consulting my heart to be tame, istighfar and remember Him
2. lowering my gaze. but at times ,this kinda fails. huuu. but i'm still trying my best to consistently resist
for Allah has mentioned in Surah An-Nur ayat 31
"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty..."
amd THIS is an article regarding this matter, the gender interactions. may this help me,you,us,them,him,her
i am sooooo grateful that i am not so close with any of my so called guy friends
and i am grateful that they don't attempt to do so too
in a way,i feel like it is Allah's way of protecting me
so NAFS, I AM AT WAR WITH YOU >.<
and i will win. insyAllah.
let us all battle and may we all win this war!!
|these are greatly encouraged|