Monday, April 25, 2011

my heart ain't strong

..Assalamualaikum..

i'm scared. like really scared. seriously frightened. why you ask?

well..
i'm sacred not just right now,but til the end of my life.
scared of what might be the answers to these questions
will i die in husnul khotimah? will i be worthy of heaven?
have i done enough deeds? how much are my sins?
are they forgived? are my worships accepted and enough?
these questions keep popping in my head
and i know i won't know the answers til judgement day O.o
it just scares me that the answers to the questions might be negative. huuu.
but at this particular moment, during this period of time before i meet my husband, before i'm married
i am PETRIFIED of my relationships with men
no i'm NOT in any relationship. heck i DON'T want to be in one
i meant relationships as in friends
i know a few guy friends and majority of them are nice
especially the 'barai's or the usrah guys
but i'm scared if one or two or any of them are so nice to me, i might fall
seeing and knowing good guys make my heart fluster. fuh.
and i hate that. i absolutely hate that.
i have been in relationships before and i regret them. all of them.
being in relationships made my heart weak
prone to adultery of the heart for liking or missing or loving a guy
prone to give in to my nafs's desire
prone to be deceived by satans' tricks and cons
when all i want to do is save all that for my husband
but i know i can do this. i know i can.
and i will fight the feelings til the very end.

i only know 2 ways that i practice to avoid from falling
1. consulting my heart to be tame, istighfar and remember Him
2. lowering my gaze. but at times ,this kinda fails. huuu. but i'm still trying my best to consistently resist

for Allah has mentioned in Surah An-Nur ayat 31

"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty..."

amd THIS is an article regarding this matter, the gender interactions. may this help me,you,us,them,him,her

i am sooooo grateful that i am not so close with any of my so called guy friends
and i am grateful that they don't attempt to do so too
in a way,i feel like it is Allah's way of protecting me
Alhamdulillah

so NAFS, I AM AT WAR WITH YOU >.<
and i will win. insyAllah.

let us all battle and may we all win this war!!



these are greatly encouraged

5 comments:

Mahfuzah Husna Zulkifli said...

Fight till the end

etykus said...

" Sesungguhnya hawa nafsu itu sangat membawa pada kejahatan "
[Yusuf: 53]

fighto oh! >.<

maya mayonis said...

assalamu'alaikum ety :)
pd pdpt saya, kita cuba utk usahakan utk jauhkan hubungan dengan lelaki semampu yg boleh.insyaAllah kita boleh jaga hati kita.

contohnya, just kalau nak tny kabo pn,tanya sikit2 je.then stop trus,jgn panjang2.
kalau smbang pun jgn smbang mrapu2, just sembang perkara yg hanya penting shj

yg pling utama skali, jgn kita yg start dulu tegur lelaki.melainkan bila mmg betul2 perlu, :)

hny berkongsi pdpt, melalui pengalaman yg lalu :)

mari kita lawan nafsu!

maya mayonis said...

oh ya satu lagi. jgn kluar dgn lelaki(walaupn ramai2), naik kereta dgn lelaki. etc etc. melainkan apabila mmg betul2 terdesak dan takda pilihan lain :)

etykus said...

waalaikumussalam maya :)
tulaa,ety tengah cuba berusaha menjauhkan diri dari lelaki. hihi. setakat ni,alhamdulillah. nak msj2 tegur2 sgt tu xde la. dekat mmu ni pon xde la baik ngn sapa2. cuma time jadi komiti event usrah ke,kem ke,ada la interaction sikit2. huhu. keluar dengan lelaki tu still tengah usaha lg. selalu time balik kulim la. dulu kan dah baik dengan geng barai en, dah terbiasa. kena buat x biasa pulak la :) thanks ye mayaa :D

ety rasa boleh lawan bila xpandang terus laki. kalau nak cakap pape,kena tunduk ke pandang tempat lain ke. baru rasa selamat hati ni. hehe.

semoga muslimat semua berjaya bermujahadah,insyAllah

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